If you are sick of arguing with your spouse and looking forward to divorce, there is something you need to know. You may need to communicate with your spouse after divorce. Then what?

Conflicts do not always end after divorce. You may have kids and need to co-parent with your spouse. Or maybe you will still own a business with them. 

In any case, you and your spouse may still need to communicate after a divorce. If there is too much post-divorce conflict and hostility between the two of you, this can be a challenge. However, even if you do not see eye to eye on certain issues, there is no need to yell, scream, and throw things. It is best to be mature and civil. 

If you have children, it is especially important to ensure the hostility between you and your spouse is managed well. Stress and tension can negatively affect your children and cause them to suffer anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues. 

So, how do you deal with post-divorce conflicts with your ex-spouse without a full-on battle? Here are some ways to communicate tactfully and find resolutions.

How to Deal With Post-Divorce Conflict

Limit Contact

Probably the best thing you can do to avoid post-divorce conflicts with your ex-spouse is to limit contact with them. Avoid face-to-face interactions if possible. Try to communicate through email or text messages.

Know How to Communicate

Instead of being in fighting mode, try to be respectful to your ex-spouse. Avoid bad-mouthing them and being critical. When communicating with them, focus on the present issue and stick to the facts, avoiding any negative statements. Avoid bringing up the past. Do not blame them for things. Instead, use “I” statements to express your feelings.

Be Flexible

You do not want to be a pushover, but do not try to have a “my way or the highway” attitude. Try to see things from your ex’s point of view. Remain open to compromise. Be flexible in your approach to resolving conflicts. Know that life happens, and sometimes things change and scheduling conflicts happen.

Manage Your Emotions

When emotions are running high, do not try to start arguments with your ex. Instead, look for ways to calm down and manage your emotions. Try deep breathing exercises or go for a walk to take a breather from the tense situation. Think before you talk.  It is especially important to take time to consider what and how you are responding before hitting send.

Set Boundaries

You can also set boundaries to let your ex-spouse know you will not tolerate their behavior. Define what is acceptable and clearly communicate boundaries to your ex. Make sure these boundaries are consistently enforced. Also, stick to the terms outlined in the divorce agreement or custody arrangement.

Prioritize Your Children

Regardless of your ex’s attitude and behavior, always put the well-being of your children first. You and your ex should have a unified front when it comes to parenting decisions. Encourage open communication between your children and your ex-spouse. Do not try to make your children choose a favorite parent. Avoid speaking negatively about your ex-spouse in front of the children. All these things will help reduce stress and tension among the children. 

Focus on Self-Care

While your children need to come first, you need to make sure you take care of your physical and emotional needs as well. Dealing with your ex can be stressful. Do things that relieve this stress, such as exercise and meditation. Engage in your favorite hobbies. Get a massage. Soak in a relaxing bubble bath. Get support from friends and family members. Seek counseling to help you work through your feelings.

Focus on the Future

Do not dwell on the past. Instead, think of the bright future you have. Work toward building a positive future for you and your children. Set goals for yourself and take steps to achieve them. Do not let your relationship with your ex-spouse get in the way.

Get Legal Assistance

If conflicts become more common and start to escalate, consult with your attorney for legal assistance. There may be violations of the divorce decree. Be sure to understand your legal rights and obligations and take appropriate action. Your lawyer can advise you.

https://familyassist.msf.gov.sg/content/impact-of-divorce/coping-with-divorce/managing-conflict/#

https://www.divorcemag.com/articles/tips-to-help-deal-with-post-divorce-conflict-with-your-ex